


And I Can't Change (Even If I Wanted To)

by justanothernerdgirl



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Homophobia, I don't actually know anything about politics, M/M, Politics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-22
Updated: 2014-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-16 15:39:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1352788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanothernerdgirl/pseuds/justanothernerdgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin and Arthur work for rival campaigns but fall in love anyway. However, with so much on the line, they have trouble making it work as it gets closer and closer to election day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I Can't Change (Even If I Wanted To)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Whizbang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whizbang/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I don't own BBC or Merlin and some of the lines I used are from the show so I give partial credit to the BBC writers. Title taken from the Macklemore song "Same Love". I don't own that either.
> 
> This is for my lion heart, TheWizardofWhimsy, who is the best wizard to my king I could have asked for and I feel so lucky to have met her. I can't wait to continue with the prompt trade. Her prompt for me was “I would never ask you to change yourself for me, so why can’t I expect the same from you?” It can come from either Merlin or Arthur.  
> ideas for plot: Magic reveal, onesided love, maybe merlin becomes a member of a political party arthur opposes, betrayal, etc."  
> I hope you like this!!!!!

            The silence was thick and lent way to a symphony of silverware against meat and wood with tenuous interruptions of the occasional cough that rang throughout the house like a thunderstorm over a quiet sea. Arthur had long given up trying to text Leon under the table, having been caught one too many times when Uther’s hearing, rather too sharp for a man his age, and a lack of Morgana’s polite conversation led to the click of the keys being heard and a lecture far more painful than the silence following.

            When the meal was cleared and small dishes of mousse and coffee were brought out as the final course, Morgana put her hand over Uther’s and smiled in a way that brought Arthur’s spine up a good deal straighter. It was her signature smile, the one that signaled many mischievous pranks and, later on, betrayals. Her lips remained mostly straight with only a slight curve even as her teeth shone in a charming Pendragon manner.

            “Father, I have something to tell you.” She began. Uther regarded her with kind eyes, ones that crinkled where long hours of work had formed permanent ridges.

            “Yes, Morgana” he replied evenly, putting his free hand over hers and tightening his hold in support before downing his coffee with vigor. She removed her hand from his and placed it calmly in her lap before continuing.

            “I’m leaving the campaign.” Her breath came out smoothly and her voice remained strong, but her eyes revealed a fear Arthur had only managed to find in them a handful of times.

            “What is it you want, Morgana?” Uther sighed with a tense voice, edging on the verge of anger. “More money? I can raise your pay if you like. Maybe hire a PA like Arthur’s? What’s his name? Cedric?”

            “God no!” Arthur cut in. “Morgana would rip the poor man to pieces. What was it your friend called him….boring? I mean, he gets the job done, but I need a second cup of coffee just for after I finish talking to him.”  
            “We’ll get a woman then. Someone that could match Morgana’s…wiles. My secretary would do nicely. Guinevere has been with the company for years.”

            Arthur’s heart nearly gave out at the thought of having to subject poor Gwen to the horror of his adopted sister. Though she was raised alongside Arthur, with the same opportunities and awkward family Christmases, she felt she constantly had to prove herself a Pendragon, as if anyone would question it with her and Uther’s likeness in demeanor and work ethic. Gwen, unlike his sister, was the image of grace and sweetness. These days, Arthur couldn’t survive without Gwen. She provided his morning coffee when he needed an escape from Cedric, covered for him with his father, and reminded him to sleep when the paperwork piled up and his desk started to look comfortable.

            “It’s not about money! I just don’t believe in the campaign’s ideals anymore. Many of the social issues that have been brought up in interviews have been dismissed or have been viewed very conservatively. The financial issues only make sense every other debate. My friend, the one that Arthur mentioned actually, has an opening in Kilgarrah’s campaign. It’d be a bit less money but I really believe in what they’re doing. I have to do what I think is right.”

            “Morgana you will not do this! You will not turn against your family!”

            “Father…”

            “no, Morgana, this discussion is closed. You will not be leaving.”

            “I can’t work for a campaign that would dismiss me! I can’t work for you anymore!”

            “What are you talking about?”

            “I’m gay, Uther.”

            The silence filled the room again. Arthur stood and walked to his sister, pulling her in for a hug, wrapping his arm around her waist, and standing with her against Uther’s concentrated, aghast stare.

            “Maybe this will be good, father. After all, nothing is more productive than sibling rivalry.” Arthur said quietly.

            Uther breathed in deeply, as if the news had been suffocating him for the thirty long seconds they had stood absorbing it. “Yes, well. I suppose so. I will see you next week, Morgana. Arthur.” Uther left the room abruptly.

            Morgana turned to Arthur, tears in her eyes as she looked to him in hopes she had not just lost everything. Arthur ran his thumb over the tears spilling down her cheek and wiped them away and pulled her in close. He leaned in and whispered in her ear “you stole my line, you know”. She pulled away in surprise, looking at him with wide eyes, before they both burst out laughing.

            Arthur had hopes that things might just be okay.

* * *

 

            Merlin breathed a deep sigh of relief when he saw Morgana enter the office smiling. He ran up to greet her with a strong hug.  “How’d it go?”

            “Uther hasn’t sent paperwork to disown me yet and it turns out Arthur had a secret of his own.” Morgana smiled even brighter.

            “No! Between the two of you, I’m surprised Uther didn’t have a coronary. How did he handle the announcements?”

            “I’m the only one who made an announcement last night. Arthur’s still busy playing the prodigal son.” Morgana was still smiling, but Merlin couldn’t quite help but notice the bitterness that seeped into her voice. “We’re going to dinner tonight to talk things over. Do you want to come? You two might like each other.”

            “Your overbearing, eager to please, workaholic, older brother and a guy who wears neon striped bowties? Thanks, but I’m good.”

            “Perhaps you’re right.”

            “Sorry, do you think I could get that again? The phones made it hard to hear.”

            Morgana laughed. “shut up, Merlin, and show me to my desk.”

* * *

            Arthur walked into the club wearing tight jeans and a dark, silk shirt that Morgana had approved of before she left dinner tonight. While she wasn’t happy that he wanted to stay in the closet until Uther finished his campaign, she was happy to negotiate that he at least go out more and try to find someone. On the dance floor, he spotted a dark haired man in a red v neck who moved his hips like he was magic. Arthur found the courage to walk up and match his tempo, moving with him closer and closer until he wound up with a phone number written on his arm and a dark bruise that had been sucked into his neck.

            Arthur texted the number the next day and he made plans with the man, _Merlin_ apparently, for next Saturday.

* * *

 

            “How was your weekend, Merlin?” Morgana asked Monday morning. The glint in her eye told him exactly what she was angling for. Merlin smiled. He couldn’t help it.

            “I met someone. We’ve got plans this Saturday.” Morgana squealed and he couldn’t help but echo her excitement.

            “Tell me about him!”

            “Well I was dancing with a friend, Gwaine, and he comes up to me and just starts moving with me and I’m thinking _what nerve!_ But then I realize he’s got the body of a greek god, all blonde hair and muscle, must be an athlete or something, and the way he moves just kind of…”  
            “Merlin!”

            “sorry. But he was amazing. He texted me yesterday. His name’s Arthur. Like your brother, I suppose.”

            “What club were you at?”

            “The Rising Sun. Why?”

            “No reason.” Morgana smirks and ruffles Merlin’s hair before sauntering away to her own desk.

            She’d been making her way here quickly and Merlin smiled at the fact that she’d adjusted so nicely. It’d been driving her crazy hiding who she was, so much so that she started to talk of sabotaging the campaign purposefully. Merlin had convinced her to work hard from the other side instead. To form a family of people who cared about her here, in Kilgarrah’s offices.

            And from the way she was batting her eyelashes and casually touching the arm of a couple of the other women, he thought she seemed quite at home.

* * *

            Arthur showed up at Merlin’s apartment at 7pm. He had walked up carrying a single rose, but ended up throwing it away on the third floor after reminding himself that Merlin certainly  _was not a girl._ Merlin lived on the fifth and though Arthur had thought taking the stairs would calm his nerves, his heart raced faster than before as he approached 513.

            He knocked once and a different man answered. He folded his arms and looked Arthur up and down with a snort. Arthur cleared his throat. “I’m looking for Merlin? My name is –“

            “I know who you are.” The other man replied. He managed to look righteous even in stained sweatpants and unruly hair. “I suppose you want to come in then.”

            “Listen, is Merlin here or not?”

            “No need to be rude.”

            “Who even are you?” Arthur demanded, straightening himself against the offending person blocking his entry into what he was becoming less sure of being Merlin’s home. Thankfully, Merlin appeared in the doorway pulling the cretin back with a playful shove and smiling in way that relaxed Arthur, even as he heard the prat behind Merlin whisper obscenities.

            “Sorry, Arthur, this is my brother, Will. He’s a bit over protective He’s also going back to his x box now. Aren’t you, Will?”

            Will scoffed and retreated, but not before shouting, “you hurt him, I’ll have your head, mate!”

            Merlin shook his head and laughed a little before standing aside and letting Arthur in. Merlin’s apartment was simple, but made Arthur feel at home in a weird way. There were bookshelves and maps in one corner, and in the other he saw political signs and a computer that looked pretty hi-tech. The kitchen was dirty and the plates looked like they had been gathered at fifty different garage sales. In the living room, between the study areas, there was the xbox and television Merlin had previously referred to, and a couple couches that had seen better days.

            “Sorry it’s a bit of mess” Merlin said, “but it’s home. I grew up here, actually. Inherited it after my mum died. The whole complex is like a small village. We look after each other. Will’s mum next door makes the best pies. Anyway, give me a minute and we can go.”

            Arthur smiled and nodded as Merlin disappeared into the room next to the bookshelves. He reappeared wearing a worn leather jacket over his blue shirt, and a red scarf. Though the scarf hid his neck to some extent, Arthur’s heart stopped as he looked at the way each clothing item moved over the lean muscle of Merlin’s body.  Merlin held out his hands to each side and spun once, grinning at Will who laughed a bit.

            “How do I look?” Merlin asked the both of them. _Amazing,_ Arthur thought immediately, though all words died in his throat.

            “Same as you always do” Will replied cheekily.

            “Handsome!” Merlin laughed and turned to Arthur. “Alright for what you have planned?”

            “perfect” Arthur said, moving to kiss him on the cheek. He turned to Will, who was giving the two of them a look. “I’ll have him home by eleven.” Will nodded in satisfaction and waved them off. Arthur held the door open for Merlin and walked him out.

* * *

 

            The restaurant seated them immediately, Arthur having called almost every day this week to double check his reservation. He had been on dates before, with both men and women, but the men had mostly been one night stands and paid off quickly so as not to release anything about him into the press. Now he was out in the open with Merlin, someone he barely knew, and risking exposure. And he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. He only worked part time for his father after all, and how much trouble could Merlin really be?

            “So, Merlin, what do you do?” Arthur asked after they had ordered. The lighting was enhancing the angles of Merlin’s cheekbones and reflecting in his eyes. Arthur thought the entire room was darkened as the whole world fell away, leaving only Merlin in their little sliver of light.

            “I work for Kilgarrah’s campaign, actually. I’m an advisor and one of the accountants. Kilgarrah is my cousin actually, so my role in his campaign is a bit blurred depending on what he needs me to do each day, but for the most part I work a lot of numbers. How about you?”

            “I work part time for Uther’s campaign actually. I’m…his…son.”

            “YOU’RE Morgana’s brother! That witch! I knew she was up to something. Not to say I regret coming out with you tonight, but that smirk she gave me! Not to say that I was talking about you, that much,  I mean…I did a bit…but…”

            “ _Mer_ lin!” Arthur laughed, “yes, I am Morgana’s brother. You must be the friend she mentioned. I think we met once at the office; my PA still complains about the takeaway you left around haphazardly.” Merlin laughed at that. “It won’t be too awkward working for different campaigns, will it? We can keep professional and personal out of this?”

            Merlin nodded. “Sure. I mean, all’s fair in love and war right? Besides, we have months yet till anything serious starts up. You said ‘part time’, what else do you do?”

            “I own a steel company. It was my mother’s. You see, it’s one of the reasons I’m working for Uther, besides him being my father. The company made some really good investments early on, and we started to bring in millions a day. My mother saw the gap between what we were making and what our employees were and started putting together a program that would offer housing and education like other companies offer dental and healthcare. Kilgarrah’s proposed bill on taxation on big businesses would destroy that program, but Uther has promised me that he’d help us. I want to make my mother proud.”

            Merlin smiled. He had known Arthur was gorgeous, and judging by this restaurant, rich, but he hadn’t seen until now the man he truly was. He held himself with the arrogance Morgana often spoke of, handing his car to the valet and ordering the staff around way too easily, but he was polite and well mannered. And as he spoke of his business, he was slowly stealing Merlin’s heart. And Merlin certainly hadn’t expected that from a guy he met in a club.

* * *

 

After dinner, Arthur pulled out Merlin’s chair like he was raised to do, and held Merlin’s hand as they walked back to Arthur’s car. Once in, Arthur turned to Merlin and for a moment, Merlin held his breath while he thought Arthur was going to kiss him. It wasn’t like they hadn’t done that before, but it seemed different now, like it mattered.

Instead, Arthur simply asked, “can I show you something?” Merlin nodded nervously and Arthur’s car drove down roads Merlin didn’t recognize.  Music played quietly in the background and they sang “You’re the Voice” to break the awkwardness. A half hour later, they pulled up to a woody area and Arthur stopped the car.

            “Where are we?” Merlin asked.

            “Trust me” Arthur replied confidently. Merlin shook his head and and followed Arthur with a couple of flashlights.  They walked way into the trees and Merlin moved closer to Arthur with each noise made. “I used to be afraid of these woods. It seemed every falling leaf was a bandit, every huff of wind was a ghost. You just get used to it in the end.” Merlin nodded, keeping his shoulders up, though he was getting more nervous the further into the darkness they walked. Arthur wrapped his arm around Merlin’s waist and Merlin leaned into him. Soon, they got to a pond lit up by fireflies. Merlin’s eyes lit up as he approached it.

            “Arthur! What is this place?”

            “It’s called Lake Avalon. There used to be more water here but recent construction has decreased the flow of the rivers that lead here. It’s still beautiful though.”

            “It’s amazing, Arthur. Thank you.” Merlin kissed him.

* * *

The next two months were a whirlwind, with Merlin and Arthur constantly meeting for lunches and dinners and spending nights whenever possible. They brought up work as little as humanly possible, knowing that they both had something big on the line should the other’s candidate win. Kilgarrah would ensure human rights, mainly focusing in sexual orientation, but also starting reforms for different minorities. Uther would ensure Arthur’s company, his entire life, would remain intact.

Arthur learned more about Merlin than he ever imagined he could know about another person. He learned the basic backstory:  father was an illegal immigrant who was deported, loving mother who died when he was 24 of cancer after working three jobs to pay for college, grew up with Will being practically a brother to him. But he also learned Merlin was ticklish around the neck and ears, loved when Arthur played with his hair, was dominant in bed but enjoyed when Arthur stepped up to plan nights out for the two of them, and slept soundly only when he had something to curl around.

Merlin learned that Arthur was a leader, over confident and worked best when he had a team. He learned that Arthur cared more about people than he ever thought it possible to admit to, and had trouble talking about his feelings.  He learned that Arthur loved it when Merlin let him know he was appreciated and he couldn’t cook to save his life. He was meticulously organized but could never remember to do laundry. And three months into their relationship, while talking in his sleep, Merlin had learned Arthur loved him.

Merlin never officially moved out of his apartment. It was better he keep his own place, for work and nights when Arthur wasn’t going to return home. Plus, Will wasn’t too eager to lose his brother just yet. Though Arthur had never proved himself unfaithful, Will didn’t trust him, often debating with him over politics and such. However, Merlin slept there three out of seven nights at the very least, now having his own drawer at Arthur’s overly large and expensive bachelor pad.

The campaigns were becoming more and more noticed by the public and press, elections seemingly around the corner. Arthur was pulling back hours at the company to spend at Uther’s offices, and Merlin almost slept at Kilgarrah’s offices a couple times until Morgana carried him out. Things were tensing between Arthur and Merlin, and with each poll showing different results, dinners became harder to sit through without fighting.

“Kilgarrah is better for this city, clotpole!”

“His economic policies are crap! You’re an accountant; how can you not see that?”

“Because it’s not true!”

“Believe what you want, Merlin.”

Night after night was spent either fighting or making love violently, until both of them were exhausted from it. Sometimes they would just lie there, whispering to each other apologies, but one day soon both of them knew it wasn’t going to be enough. So Merlin would continue to curl around Arthur as if his presence was a temporary safety in a tornado and Arthur would continue to hold Merlin, thinking about that little sliver of light that only appeared when Merlin was around.

* * *

 

“How are things going with Arthur?” Morgana sauntered up to Merlin’s desk, and Merlin ran his hands down his face, tears swimming in his eyes.

“I’m losing him, Morgana. I don’t know how to fix it. These elections are hurting us.” Morgana looked at him with pity and wrapped her arms around him.

“Don’t let him get like this, don’t let him hurt you.” She begged him, knowing full well how Uther’s cruelty could often show itself in his son.

“It’s me too! It’s my fault. We just both want this so much. Maybe…maybe we should just take a break. Step back from all this. Maybe that’s what he needs. I…I saw him the other day with Gwen, Morgana. He looked so happy. I haven’t been able to make him smile like that in a while.”

Morgana nodded but the disapproval shone in her eyes.

* * *

 

“Arthur?” Merlin called as he entered Arthur’s apartment. “You home?”

“Merlin! Where have you been?”

“working.”

“Right. Well before you sit down, can you clean the dishes? We’re running out.” Arthur instructed nonchalantly. Merlin bristled. He had just gotten home and the prat couldn’t even wait five minutes to start giving him orders like he was some sort of PA.

“Arthur, we need to talk. These elections, these campaigns…we fight every night. You can’t accept the things I stand for. I would never ask you to change yourself for me, so why can’t I expect the same from you?” Merlin was trembling, but he needed to say this, needed Arthur to accept him for who he was, beliefs and all.

            “I don’t expect you to change, Merlin. But you have to see how much your campaign’s policies are going to hurt everything I’ve worked for. I can’t sit by and watch it all crumble in front of me. I don’t see what you’re not understanding.”

            “What I’m not understanding is why you’re taking all the stress out on me!” Merlin shouted.

            “Like you don’t do the same! When Kilgarrah dropped ten points last week, you wouldn’t even speak to me!” Arthur shouted back.

            “maybe we should just take a break!” Merlin’s final suggestion hung in the air. Arthur recoiled visibly. He walked into his room and walked out with a bag containing Merlin’s things a minute later.

            “I’m not holding you here, Merlin. You want to leave? Go.”

            “Arthur…” Merlin pleaded. Why couldn’t the prat just agree with him? Uther’s policies were self centered and frankly, so were Arthur’s reasons for siding with him. But Merlin never asked Arthur to change: not his eating habits, not the way he hogged the covers, and never his political beliefs. But it felt like Arthur was asking him to change. Constantly. Even if he never said it, he sided with something that would hurt Merlin, that would reject him. Merlin looked at the bag and he looked at Arthur, and he walked away.

* * *

 

Kilgarrah was winning. Next week, the polls showed Uther’s re-election campaign would lose by a hair’s breadth, but that was all that was needed. Kilgarrah was tired, and retired to his office.

            Arthur and Merlin hadn’t seen each other for four months. They missed each other constantly, though. After two months, they started texting nonstop, but each conversation was plagued with the reminder that election day wasn’t far. Though neither of them admitted it, Morgana watched them fall apart without the other, throwing themselves into their respective works. Most days, Merlin came to work without a tie, and Arthur would have bags under his eyes when Morgana visited with him.

            She walked up to Merlin with purpose. She picked his phone out of his pocket and shoved it into his chest. “You two are pathetic.” She told him. “call him, make it better, and stop wasting my time by making me worry about the two of you.”

            Merlin looked at her in surprise, but then nodded. “There’s just one thing I need to do first.”

            Merlin walked into Kilgarrah’s office holding a binder of papers he had been working on. “Kilgarrah, I need to talk to you.”

            “Yes, what is it Merlin?”

            “You need to retract your taxation bill. It’ll harm more people than it will help, and your other policies are more important anyway.”

            “Is this about Arthur? What I do is none of your concern.”

            “This is about the city and the future we can build. Please, Kilgarrah, this would burn so many businesses to the ground.”

            “No.” Kilgarrah slammed his fist on the desk soundly.

            “Kilgarrah!” Merlin walked forward with a dangerous scowl. “I am your accountant. I could easily make money disappear in your name. You would lose the election if people thought you had been stealing from the campaign. I will do this if you do not retract the bill.”

            “How dare you abuse your power!”

            “I will protect the people I love! Whatever I have to do!”

            Kilgarrah sat back and regarded Merlin with a slow smile. “Fine, but I have a condition for you, Merlin.”

* * *

 

            Merlin ran to Arthur’s apartment and knocked wildly. The announcement of Kilgarrah dropping the taxation bill hadn’t hurt him much, and more conservatives even started to regard him with a tentative approval. The speech was being given even as Merlin pounded on his door, and he wanted Arthur to know that it was for him. All of it. Because Merlin loved him too.

            Arthur didn’t answer, and so Merlin drove with reckless abandon to his office. The entire office was watching Kilgarrah’s speech with amazement. There was still enough differences in campaign policies that the candidates were wildly different but this would definitely make voters have to think more carefully before choosing. Merlin ran in and found Arthur almost immediately. He threw his arms around his neck and kissed him like he did the first night by the lake. “It was all for you, Arthur.” He murmured into Arthur’s neck.

            “You…?” Arthur looked at the man in his arms stunned. “Thank you.” Arthur held him tighter, holding him as if he were the only light he had seen after months of the darkest cave.

            Uther stormed out of his office. “Arthur! What is the meaning of this?” Merlin stood up straight.

            “Hello, sir. If your son will have me, I am Merlin Emrys, Arthur’s boyfriend.” Merlin held out his hand. Uther ignored it.

            “Arthur?” Uther demanded.

            “He got Kilgarrah to drop the bill, father. Mom’s business…we can continue with it. And yes, he is my boyfriend, though this was not the way I intended you to meet him.” Arthur glared at Merlin playfully.

            Merlin shrugged. “Kilgarrah had a condition. I told him I’d do anything for Arthur, and he asked if I’d kiss Arthur in front of you, Mr. Pendragon. Apparently, you’re regarded as generally terrifying.”

            Arthur laughed and even Uther smirked slightly. “Don’t worry, Merlin, I’ll protect you.” Arthur whispered in Merlin’s ear. Uther stood up straighter at seeing the affection between the two of them.

            “Arthur, we will talk later. It was nice to meet you, Mr. Emrys.” Uther nodded and left them, slamming his office door behind him in a way that made Merlin flinch in Arthur’s arms.

            However, when Arthur’s lips found his again, he couldn’t seem to care.


End file.
